The Remote

Your Sinclair

Overall 85%

Simon Forrester 85%

Blue Alpha Electronics £34.99 (plus £2 p&p) [redacted] Reviewer: Simon Forrester So you've got a joystick, right, and you're in Norway. But your Speccy, due to the fact it's got British power regulations and the like, is stuck in Britain. Fear not, brave Spec-chum, for you can still play your fave games - it's Blue Alpha to the rescue! Now all you really need is your Blue Alpha remote joystick, and an incredibly strong telescope. Okay, I exaggerate, but if you scale down the distances, they'll still be proportionally wrong. Damn. Well, reduce them both a lot then, and juggle the figures a bit, or something. Anyway, down to basics. The Blue Alpha Remote Joystick One doohickey comes as two boxes. The first one plugs into your Speccy, and has a strange and technical looking little grilled circle on the front. The second box looks pretty much the same, except it doesn't have a Speccy on the end. Instead, it's got a joystick. You provide the joystick, and, as you don't have to worry about the Amstrad-compatible grey lead thang, you can fit just about any one your little heart desires. Probably. So, this done, what you've got in effect is a remote-control joystick that you can sit at the other end of the room with, and use to play games on your Speccy. This may seem just a little pointless really, but think about it - when watching normal TV, the usual distance between you and the goggle box is a good couple of metres. Why, then, is it deemed quite all right to sit with your nose up against the glass as soon as you turn on your Speccy? Tch. In a way, it'll do you even more harm to be up close when using your computer than your average dose of crap TV, because with a computer game you'll be watching one object in the middle of the screen while lots of other stuff flickers around in the periphery of your vision. So why not sit way back in your comfy chair? Of course, for programming, you'll need to be a tad closer, but then for programming, you won't be using the remote control joystick anyway, so that's all right then. (Get on with it! The entire population of the world) So what about the boxes? Well, when Jonathan and I carried out various highly technical tests by walking round the Shed with a box each, we discovered various things. - There's a fab little red LED that flashes whenever the receiver, er, receives your signal (most important). - Both boxes have a 30° signal angle. - The whole arrangement works at up to six to eight metres. - The boxes are both white (which has very obvious advantages). - Nobody asks you what you're doing, so completely wasting the opportunity for you to reply wittily. 'We're boxing'. There is only one drawback really, and that's that the boxes need batteries at both ends. That's if you're using a Speccy - if you're connected to most other computers (including the SAM) you won't need a battery at the computer end. Yes, you see, The Remote works with just about everything. Well, just about everything that has a joystick port, anyway. You just specify which computer you own when you order the device, and Blue Alpha slightly fiddle about with the insides of the box, and everything's jake. Here, I'm sure I didn't use that archaic phrase. (Ah, the power, the power. Ed) SOUND IDEAS (SORRY) It's time to get techy, so pull on your thinking trousers and adopt the position of that famous statue, because I'm about to reveal how The Remote works. The signals that are sent and received are actually of the ultrasound variety, rather than the usual infra-red. This means you won't be accidentally starting your video when playing a game, but, on the downside, your dog will probably explode as you're approaching a high score. (Not really. Ed) Ultrasound signals are simply notes that are too highly pitched for any ear to hear. (Sorry, but I had to put in that bracket. Believe it or not, there are people who'd read that bit and think. 'Blimey. Better not buy that then, eh, Fido?' Ed) Think about it - there is a point when a tone is too high for you to hear. There are some tones that are so high, only some people can hear them. Dog whistles can be heard by dogs but not humans. (Mind, if you did think that, you'd just be expressing the proper concern for your pets. Ed) Ultrasound can be heard by bats, spiders, and remote joystick receivers, but is completely inaudible to most other living creatures. Fascinating. What more can I say? It's a remote control joystick, it works, and as the only real problems are that (a) it's rather tackily put together (a definite case of rattling components) and (b) you need to balance the sender on the arm of your chair, or your knees, I'm a-recommending it (Tex).

FOR FUTURE PRESENTATION At the moment, you can only use one Remote per machine - you can't just plug another one into port two. But! As you read this, Blue Alpha are working away feverishly on The Remote Joystick Two, which will be available for the same price as the first one. Basically, it's exactly the same thing, but broadcasting on a different ultrasonic frequency. They're also beavering away on a console-specific version, so expect lots more off-white boxes to appear before ever so long. As usual, a swift phone call to Bluey will elicit info as to the likely arrival date of said boxes. (If you listen carefully during the conversation, you can probably hear the alpha-test models blowing up noisily in the background.)

HEY, EVERYBODY, LET'S DO THE REMOTE 3 Steps To Heaven Step One: Grab your partner, grab your Remotes, and stand side-by-side with your left leg bent at the knee. Swing the Remotes in time to the music. Bob your head on alternate beats and pretend to rub the back of your right leg. Step Two: The boy shifts his weight to the left leg and attempts to take away the girl's Remote. While the boy swings forwards, the girl swings backwards, and vice versa. The boy's left arm should be bent at the elbow and remain still. Step Three: The boy has managed to get hold of the girls Remote but she was only playing all along. Gazing into each other's eyes, high-kick three steps to the steps to the left, then three steps to the right. Congratulations! You're now doing The Remote!