Bored of the Rings

Sinclair User

Cult humourist/programmer Fergus McNeill's apotheosis of satire, Bored is a three part epic based on Tolkien's venerable trilogy. The jokes are everything in this Quilled adventure, with Fordo the Boggit suckered into taking the great ring to the land of Dormor with his unsavoury friends Murky, Spam and Pimply. On the way, meet Hashberry the spaced-out river daughter, and try to work out where all the C5s are coming from. Fathom the mysteries of the Morona Caverns Tourist Complex, and suffer Aragont's interminable spouting about his obscure ancestry. Destined to become a real cult among adventure fans.

Your Computer

Hugo North

Spectrum Delta 4 £4.95 cassette, £6.95 Microdrive A mite weary of Middle Earth look-alike adventures? Browned off with Baggins dopplegangers? Then this large (three-part) Quilled game's the perfect antidote; it blows a gust of irreverent air right through the Shires. Bored of the Rings is a delicious send-up of you-know-what. The author, Fergus McNeil, has done a superb job. Text is presented in an impressive character set, using green, blue, grey and white to splendid effect. There are some graphics but it's in the prose where the adventure excels. Fag End, your uncle Bimbo Faggins house, bears a startling resemblance to a certain location in another adventure - does a round green door ring a bell? As you enter, you'll hear Grandalf in conversation with Bimbo: "... and so we'll need to get some dense lemming to take it and dump it where old eye-ball can't get it." "But what stupid individual can we get for a suicidal folly such as this..." As Fordo, a boggit, it won't be long before you're joined by a large company. Do these names sound vaguely familiar: Spam, Pimply, Murky, Legoland, Aragont, Borrower and Giblet? Later, there's a delightful sideswipe at the famous vending machine that appears in the classic Crowther and Woods adventure. Eating some magic beans has a strange side effect: Fordo sees a squadron of pink elephants flying past, pursued by brightly glowing traffic wardens. "Coroner's verdict: overdose". This is an extremely funny adventure. If you like a good laugh then get this at once. It's only available by mail order (048 93 5800) and deserves to be a massive success. Excellent.

C&VG (Computer & Video Games)

Personal Rating 8/10

Keith Campbell 8/10

Down at Fag End, Bimbo is talking to Grandalf. They are seeking a lemming-like individual for a suicide mission. Guess who walks in? Yes, it's you - fresh from a party of belching boggits. "Catch", remarks Bimbo, and throws you a small gold ring-like object. With astonishing lack of deftness, you catch it. Perhaps the single most famous computer-graphics picture in the world is that of a comfortable tunnel-like room with a green door, and this is where you now find yourself. The room is complete with green door and purple carpet - the only thing that's missing is a chest. Thus you learn your quest as Fordo Faggins, a feeble yet fat boggit, favourite nephew Bimbo, and cowardly star of Bored of the Rings. You must take the ring to the black Land of Dormor, and destroy it! But first you must go to Rivendull and Smelrond, and in the company of your friends Spam, Pimply and Murky. So you head east and before long come across Farmer Faggot's Triffid Farm, where many barrels of ale are stacked against a wall. "Drink Ale" of course! "Fordo drank the ale, hiccupped twice, threw up all over the place, fell over and felt much better." So Fordo heads off to the River Brandname, whose source is the Great Burst Water Pipe and which is crossed by what looks remarkably like the Clifton suspension bridge. Go on, work it out! Bored of the Rings is a must for Hobbit-haters, and lovers of parody. It has large amounts of text in a Gothic character set which will, at the very least, bring a smile to your face and occasional pictures which only display the first time you enter a location, or type LOOK. Perhaps the most surprising thing is that it was written with the Quill and Illustrator. I say surprising because it does not have the look of a typical Quilled adventure - but then it certainly isn't a run-of-the-mill adventure anyway. It comes in three parts on cassette or microdrive and each part must be completed before proceeding to the next. There are many locations to explore and, although I nowhere near visited them all, the map provided in the instruction book shows such places a Berkwood and Bewilderland. There's even the Land of the Cruel Reviewers. Perhaps that's where I should head - for one of the replies shows the game has no class. Yes, I spoilt it all by typing HELP! Bored of the Rings is from Delta 4 for 48k Spectrum, cassette version at £5.95, microdrive version at £8.95.

Sinclair UserSinclair User Classic

Overall 5/5

Richard Price 5/5

NASTY HOBBITS Richard Price sets out on the road to Rivendull while Tolkien turns in his grave. Not long ago, after a long day at the keyboard, I settled down in front of the TV for a few hours of mindstretching intellectual activity - namely Hawk the Slayer, a film which would make Mary Poppins seem like high art. At the beginning was a short voiceover which summed up the plots of about 75 percent of all adventure programs: "This is a story of heroic deeds and the bitter struggle for the triumph of good over evil and of a wonderous sword wielded by a mighty hero when the legions of darkness stalked the land." All but one of this month's software fall into this category. Games designers seem to think that this sort of plot is all that most players need. I doubt it and once again make a plea for real storylines and humour. Grumble, grumble... Never mind though, Delta 4 Software has taken the archetype of all those solemn hero tales and turned out a classic parody. BORED OF THE RINGS Publisher: Delta 4 Memory: 48K Price: £5.95 (£8.95 Microdrive) BORED OF THE RINGS Bored of the Rings is a direct and cheerful spoof of Tolkien's trilogy, only the names and aims have been changed to protect the innocent - and to avoid hassles with the copyright. The game is in three parts and has been written with the Quill. There are also graphic scenes produced by Gilsoft's new illustrator package. Delta 4 has plumbed in a fairly pleasing medieval-style typeface and the general presentation is clear and easy on the eye. You get from one part to the next by way of a password given at the end of each section. First, the plot. Naturally it is very similar to the original but the characters and detail are, ahem, somewhat different. Fordo the Boggit lives in the Shire with his uncle Bimbo. On the principle of W C Fields' dictum 'never give a sucker an even break' he gets landed with the job of returning the Great Ring to Mount Gloom in the Land of Dormor. So begins the great quest. Fordo and his cowardly chums, Spam, Pimply and Murky set off for Whee through the forest. On their way they encounter Tim Bumbadil, the ageing acid-crazed hippy and his flower-child girlfriend Hashberry. From Whee they head towards Rivendull where the full company teams up. There's Legoland the Elf, Giblet the Dwarf and Aragont, who continually recites his ancestors' names at any conceivable opportunity. Part one ends at the gates of the Morona Cave Tourist Complex and is fairly simple to solve, acting as more of a scene setter than anything. The second and third sections are tougher but retain the same irreverence towards the great epic. The humour can be fairly school-boyish at times and there are a couple of occasions when it is both distasteful and unnecessarily unpleasant. On the whole though the game is great fun and well-produced too. For your £5.95 you will get two cassettes and a daft little booklet with a map of the trek. There's also a microdrive version at £8.95. Fergus McNeill, the author, has told me that the game has been accepted for distribution so you should have little trouble getting it. If not, write to Delta 4, The Shielding, New Road, Swanmore, Hampshire SO3 9PE.

Read it at Sinclair User Magazine Online

Crash

Atmosphere 8/10

Vocabulary 7/10

Logic 7/10

Addictive Quality 8/10

Overall Value 7.5/10

Derek Brewster 7.5/10

DEREK BREWSTER'S ADVENTURE TRAIL A WALK IN THE PARK For some time now one aspect of adventuring has become ever more prominent in my mind as I've walked through a local park. This park has a river flowing through it, buildings of some interest, both genuine historical structures and more fanciful follies, alongside the traditional embellishments of a city park - layers of flowers of every hue lining sinuous pathways. What struck me on my stroll was the realisation that every device needed to fill an adventure lay not in a darkened room festooned with the latest bits of microcomputer hardware, but out there in the sunshine and sudden summer rain. Why not base an adventure on this very park? This got me thinking about adventuring and microcomputing and where it was all going. Why indeed had adventures come to be based upon myth, legend and fantasy when they could concern themselves with the real world and all its infinite variety and natural abundance. I noticed a little while ago an artist featured in Crash went to all the trouble of obtaining a real specimen before attempting to draw an ant. Rightly, the artist judged no better feel for the subject could be infused into his work than that derived from the real thing. So it is with novelists. Authors, even when they can't visit the real location which provides the backdrop to their book rely upon the most authentic second-hand accounts they can find, such as tourist guides, street maps and other novels, and by so doing, enrich the final draft. Adventures, until greater memory and perhaps finer resolution can produce more meaningful graphics, are closely related to the short novel and it is nothing short of amazing that no-one has attempted to write an adventure which deals with a real life structure or situation. Surely there is an area between frivolous amusement and erudite education where microcomputing can play a part in broadening our whole perception of where studying and work finish and leisure and relaxation begin? It seems only fair that microcomputers should cushion the bumps along the road of social upheaval which leads to the revolutionary world of computers and robots (remember them? They were all the rage on Afternoon Plus about two years ago when discussing the future seemed like a good idea). How about an adventure where the subject matter concerns itself with a real Scottish castle and a story which gives an authentic rendition of its history? Or perhaps it could traverse a real park (say Hyde Park in London, Central Park in New York or your local Jesmond Dene) whereby at the end of the adventure the player has not only enjoyed an entertaining game but has also picked up the rudiments of some tourist spot. Two games this month had me thinking even more about the possibilities. Although I do not know for certain, I think an Arendarvon Castle does not truly exist in NW Scotland, and when considering the layout of the submarine in Sub Sunk I find it hard to believe the author has consulted any reputable works on the subject of submarines or their internal design. It is hard to imagine indeed any author embarking on a novel concerning submarine warfare without first consulting the facts so freely available to anyone with the time and tenacity to unearth them. By and large, considering the high standard of published novels, most authors look on research as an essential prelude to writing itself. It is my hope that adventure authors will consider carefully their subject matter and what relevance it might have. BORED OF THE RINGS Producer: Delta 4 Software Retail Price: £5.95 Language: Quill & Illustrator Author: Fergus McNeil When I was at tech college taking one or two A levels (makes them sound like long cool drinks which in many ways is what they were) I remember some member of an adjacent peer grouping going on about some great book he had just read entitled something like 'Bored of the Rings' which apparently was a send up of the Tolkien classic. I was at that age (and a good age, methinks) when things like Tolkien and Star Trek were such brilliant stars against the dour backdrop of everyday existence (activities like hoovering corduroys and searching for green biros that work) to denigrate, such was the esteem in which they were held. Of course the years have brought their changes (I now regard hoovering corduroys a perfectly respectable recreation) but my increased background cynicism only gently impinges upon these great works as I still largely regard them as timeless classics (Tolkien the incongruity of believable fantasy, Star Trek a fresh, scientifically optimistic, look at the future). Now you're thinking, this can hardly be a kindly introduction to a game which satirises Tolkien's greatest work. Well, despite early reservations, I can say this game is mostly amusing, which you might expect, but further, is true enough to the original to be an interesting version in its own right. To summarize, all the names have been changed but the story's the same. The booklet which accompanies the program is broader, parodying other such guides which accompany other such programs. The Foreword and Prologue are disarmingly honest concerning the beginnings of this work. One or two facets of this game mark it out in my mind. One is the submission of my review game on a microdrive the first so far and with the occasional shove in the right direction it performed just fine (elaborating on these shoves, however, might weaken microdrive sales)! Another is a letter from Fergus McNeil of Delta 4 to Lloyd, the man who gets the grams, which is about as friendly as my bank manager's asking me if I should like to 'service' my overdraft. All is sweetness and roses when Lloyd gets a mention but I am made out to be the uncaring oaf who delights in stamping on any game that doesn't come up to the mark and pressing it firmly into the substratum. The annoying thing is it's all true! Despite the above, and the mention of a rival magazine in its HELP reply (not many rivals left now) this game has got that little something going for it. The redesigned character set is attractive, the pictures are generally passable and more important, quite fast (though the first is remarkably similar to that of The Hobbit no identical were it not for the chest) and the storyline is certainly a very full computer version of the original Tolkien classic. By the way, mentioning the Bored of the Rings book is no less than inflammatory given the aforementioned letter's express desire not to be associated with the Harvard Lampoon book whatever that may be. Working out how the Bored names (and I exclude the mysterious Judith who seems to crop up everywhere) relate to Tolkien's provides much humourous diversion. Can you sort out some of the following? Fordo, Bimbo, Spam, Pimply, Murky, Tom Bumbadil. Place names get the same treatment with a Brandname Bridge, for example, looking remarkably like the Forth bridge. Other abbreviations include a Farmer Faggot's Triffid Farm and a trendy body-popping barrow wight. Starting the game you are quickly introduced to the humour which pervades the whole, a gentle lampooning which keeps to the character of the Hobbit world itself. Bimbo disappears with a large explosion killing several of his Boggit guests while a little later Bimbo and Gandalf discuss the small task of ridding themselves of the ring ...'and so we'll need to get some dense lemming to take it and dump it where old eyeball can't get it.... They both looked at Fordo'. An aspect of play really strikes home early on the fact that copious amounts of text can be produced simply by pressing any key. This, I am sure, is all part of the send up and makes the game all the more humorous for it. Nothing quite beats that faintly ridiculous feeling you get on discovering how the game allows you onward no matter how clever (or dismal) your attempts I only hope telling you about this won't detract from your own feelings of embarrassment. Bored of the Rings is not as boring as the title might suggest and has obviously been construed by a programmer who enjoyed Tolkien's original. Its humour is directed both at the world of the hobbit (or Boggit in this case) and more broadly at the whole adventure fraternity. Being someone who has been known to laugh at himself, for example, when munching mint peas and contemplating a pile of screw-in light bulbs, I welcome the opportunity to laugh at the whole fantasy/adventure world in a way which remains true to that world. As if checking the internal temperature of a thick pizza with a carefully inserted index finger (why does this column always degenerate into food)? I make a habit of prodding my way into the uncharted depths of an adventure. This one has three parts. Probing part two I found much to commend confirming what I had suspected this game has been dutifully constructed and carefully finished. COMMENTS Difficulty: mostly quite easy Graphics: a few but not particularly good Presentation: nice redefined character set and colours Input facility: basically verb/noun Response: instant, except where pictures are drawn